Introspection

 I've been thinking about the other thing I miss about growing up on the great plains. It was the ability to be truly alone with your thoughts. I know that there are people who can't stand the idea of being alone with their thoughts, but I am not one of them. 

Where I live now, in the Netherlands, the population density is around 540 people per square km. Where I am from, the population density is about 5 people per square km for the state. That, of course, includes the "cities" which skews it higher. Out in the country, it's more along the lines of 1 person per 5 square km. There are 100 times more people here than there are where I am from. Out on the plains, you could go weeks or months without having to have a conversation. Some of the pioneers lost their minds from it. 

Here, you are never truly alone. You can pretend that you are for about 15 minutes at a time before some other hiker comes along or someone rides by on a bike. You have to get along with each other because there is simply no other way to have that many people living together without knowing how to do that. In that sense it has done wonders for my social skills. On the other hand, social interaction exhausts me, and I need time alone to recharge my batteries. 

I prefer being alone sometimes because it was the only time I was ever allowed to be myself and think my own thoughts when I was young. It was the only time I could relax. I could follow a line of thought through to the end uninterrupted. I had time to reflect and make sense of things. There is value to be had from taking time for yourself. I also like silence from time to time, because with silence I can hear myself think.

I've known many people who hated to be alone and they hated silence. I think it was because they couldn't handle the negative emotions they got from being alone. Then they had to sit and think about things and maybe feel bad about something. They couldn't sit with those feelings. I'm not talking about dwelling on, because they weren't able to even get that far. Nobody teaches us how to do that. The same was true of silence, because they needed continuous distraction. As long as they could direct their attention outward, they wouldn't have to direct it inward. 

I can understand why they are the way they are, but I think that by avoiding ourselves, we stop ourselves from moving forward. We can't put things behind us unless we're willing to face them honestly and head-on. Being alone without distractions and without anyone to entertain or to get approval from is one of the best ways I can think of to do that. 

Another point to consider for those of us who don't feel the need to share all of our feelings with others, is that when you are alone, you can laugh or cry in private with nobody to judge you for it. I know that sharing is the gold standard for emotional openness, but what if it's good enough to be able to get it out at all? What if that's a first step, and all you have to do to reach that one is to be alone with your feelings and feel them, just for yourself? Sometimes we need a little cry, to feel a little pain so that it can be worked through and put in the past. Other times you can enjoy being alone and having something to yourself, like a bench looking out on a river or sitting in a chair with a good book. 

Bill Hicks died before there really was an internet, and perhaps it's better that he never saw it coming, because I think he would hate it. I think so many people feel alone, but they turn to the internet to provide distraction or answers or companionship only to be cheated of the ability to think for themselves or even hear themselves think.  It's why I like silence. I need to block out the cacophony that is modern life. It's like putting the world on pause and catching my breath. I can take a moment to try to make sense of things. I value that, and I think that more people would benefit from learning to use silence for themselves. 

 

Something I think I should mention about the ability to think for yourself is the increasing trend of people turning to AI to validate them. AI is sycophantic. It will tell you whatever you want to hear. It isn't thinking for yourself, it's taking your thoughts and paraphrasing them back to you. I'm hearing disturbing things about people using them in lieu of a therapist. You don't need that kind of advice. AI cannot think like a human, however much the ability to scrape the internet and write summaries might make you think it can. It cannot do your thinking for you, or make life decisions for you any more than it can do anything creative. Pair that with the fact that most of what is on the internet in terms of personal advice and content is already regurgitated garbage, and you're going to get bad advice. I feel that the best way to learn to think for yourself is to disconnect and take some time to be alone. Go for a walk. Watch nature. Anything but spend all of your time on the internet trying to find answers that aren't going to be found there.