Inburgeringsexamen

I can't remember exactly how I imagined my future life when I was a child, but you can bet your ass this is not how I imagined things turning out. That having been said, I can't say it's been a disappointment so far. It hasn't always been a lot of fun, but sometimes it seems as if all of it was leading to something better. I don't know yet but I'm cautiously optimistic.


Yesterday I took my inburgerinsexamen. I slept like shit the night before because I was so nervous. I was pretty sure I'd be fine, but there's a primitive part of the brain that doesn't trust anything the logical part of the brain is sure of. I got there early and spent the entire day stressing out and working up a splitting headache. When I got home I took a shower and let all of the tension wash away. In hindsight I believe I may have tortured myself a lot more over it than I had to. The human brain is great like that.

I've been working up to this. I started out learning Dutch from an old animated television show in Dutch called Er Was Eens. I'd let it run in the background and just absorb it passively, listening to the rhythms of the language and trying to follow the story it was telling. It's definitely worth watching just for that, but I watched the entire series about five times.

I kept watching things in Dutch and speaking to Dutch people outside of the house. Eventually I started to get it. I was able to express myself. Not very well in the beginning, but gradually it got better. Finally we moved into our own place and away from the in-laws. Once we were settled into our new place, I contacted a local volunteer organization and arranged for a taalcoach through them. I went from being able only to speak in present tense and past-perfect to being able to conjugate verbs and speak grammatically. I shall be forever grateful for Hettie and the time she gave to me. Later I spent three hours with two other taalcoaches one day in an attempt at the world record for longest language lesson. It was fun, but exhausting. I came out speaking better Dutch though. 

The time I spent with the taalcoach made me braver. I signed up for the inburgeringscursus. It was mandatory and I had time, but up until then I was anxious at the thought of having to sit in a classroom full of people. Bad memories of school. When I did the intake interview the interviewer told me I should just take the exams and get it over with, because I was already exceeding the level required for the A2 exams. I told her (in Dutch) that I had learned Dutch mostly by myself and I had missed a lot of the basic things. I wanted to pick them up and have someone guiding me through things like grammar and rules. The class closest to me was the lowest level and they thought I'd be unhappy there. I wasn't. I was happy to be learning. Happy to know that I could, because learning a language is something you can't fake. Mostly I was worried about what my classmates would think of me or that they'd have something against Americans. It turns out people are people, and most of them are pretty nice. My first class was a bunch of people from Syria. They shared their food with me and gave me cigarettes when I was too broke to buy my own. We didn't share a language. I didn't speak Arabic, they didn't speak English and not much Dutch. We muddled through. It's amazing how much communication you can manage with some good faith and nonverbal skills. 

There weren't enough of us to keep that classroom open. We all got moved to different schools. I started taking the waterbus and riding my bike 1/2 hour to classes. I got to be a regular on nodding acquaintance with the waterbus staff. I was out there on my bike with the lights on at the crack of dawn, rain or shine, gale force winds notwithstanding. And I couldn't even feel sorry for myself because there were always plenty of other people out there doing the same thing. I spent one day in the A2 class there before they moved me to the B1 class, which was already in the middle of the book. I went to that class twice before they decided to split it up into two groups and put me in the higher group. The whole time I was learning and getting to know the people around me a little. It was fascinating to be able to talk to people from all over. Then my contract was up last week and yesterday I took my inburgeringsexamen. 

I spent the entire day doing tests. Most of them seemed fairly easy, because I did the exams at the A2 level. I don't think many of the people taking the test with me could be said to speak passable Dutch yet, but they were on their way. I think I did okay on the exams. I won't know until I get the results back. The people at the testing center seemed as impressed with my Dutch as the teachers at the inburgeringscursus. They just don't expect it. It's like witnessing a miracle for them. I don't know if they understand that my motivation for learning their language was pure desperation. I couldn't talk to anybody and it frustrated the hell out of me. It was like being in solitary confinement and if I hadn't learned the language in self-defense, I suspect I would have gone mad from lack of meaningful human contact. I was doing it for myself because it was the only way to be able to talk to the people around me. 

I don't mean this as criticism, but sometimes I think that to the Dutch a person isn't real for them if they can't talk to them in Dutch. Meeting a foreigner they can speak to normally is like coming in contact with a mythical creature. AKA: "Did you hear that? I must be imagining things. I could almost swear I just heard her speak Nederlands" It hardly ever happens. Plus they seem to think Dutch in an American accent is adorable. The reason I don't mean it as criticism to say that is because Americans are the same. They can't take foreigners seriously as people unless they speak English. It really all comes down to being able to communicate with people. Here they tolerate people not speaking Dutch because they know it would be unrealistic to expect foreigners to know it. They want us to speak it, but they kind of gave up on it as an expectation. In America people pretty much demand that everyone speak English - or else. I personally find the Dutch more reasonable in their approach. 

From here on out I've been invited to continue auditing the B1 class when I can make it there and I plan on working my way through the books and the computer exercises just for my own benefit. I want to learn this language and speak it fluently for myself. I'm making friends now, all because people can talk to me. I want to keep that going. I can see myself making a place for myself here and possibly even fitting in better than I ever did in America. It turns out I was in the wrong place all along. I think more like Dutch people than Americans. Who'd have thought?